AGENTS OF ABSOLUTE BLOODY FORTUNES

Remember Eric Hall? Cigars, cigar-shaped eyebrows. Said “monster” lots. Still the personification of football agents, years after his management company went bust. For a group of people in public relations, they’re a PR disaster. What do they DO, apart from dodgily make obscene money?

They’ve been around since, surprise, there’s been money in football, initially pre-dating club scouting systems, sometimes building whole teams (what goes around…Pini Zahavi for Abramovich and Jerome Anderson for Sven have apparently done similar). With maximum wages and ‘retain-and-transfer’, scope for earning from players was limited to deals like Denis Compton’s iconic Brylcreem ads – agent Bagenal Harvey’s work. As a kid, I’d heard of Italy’s Gigi Peronance. But even he worked for clubs.

That agents are now mostly players’ reps shows the balance of power between workers and employers has shifted markedly in the right direction. Agents have provided humour to an industry which needs it. When Tottenham signed Helder Postiga, his agent dubiously declared: “When he was ten he dreamt of playing for them.” Disturbed child. When Helder was ten, Tottenham were throwing ludicrous money at sub-standard Europeans and…ah…

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MANCHESTER UNITED vs CHELSEA – All’s well that ends well…

Sunday 23rd September 2007

Manchester United should have been awarded a penalty in this match, but a lot earlier than when ref Mike Dean decided to point to an Old Trafford spot. Mid-way through the first half, Joe Cole’s desperate lunge at Patrice Evra made a whole lot more convincing an argument for a spot kick than did Louis Saha’s theatrical fall after Tal Ben Haim’s boot had brushed his sock in added time at the end of the game. The incidents cancel each other out though so, in the world of the Right Result, the outcome remains a 2-0 win to Manchester United.

The Right Result is a 2-0 win for Manchester United.

ASTON VILLA vs EVERTON - Honesty abounds at Villa Park!

Sunday 23rd September 2007

Gabby Agbonlahor felt he was probably offside in scoring Villa’s second goal. It’s a close call but he was off, although Everton boss David Moyes was more concerned with his defenders lack of response rather than the lack of a flag.

The Right Result is a 1-0 win for Aston Villa

MIDDLESBROUGH vs SUNDERLAND - Unlucky Boro

Saturday 22nd September 2007 

Danny Higginbotham was guilty of a clear handball from Luke Young’s ball into the area and Middlesbrough, who certainly deserved to win the game on the balance of play, should have been awarded a penalty.

The Right Result is a 3-2 win for Middlesbrough FC.

FULHAM vs MANCHESTER CITY - City robbed of away win

Saturday 22nd September 2007

Although Sven was very sporting in giving the offficials the benefit of the doubt, Kamara was off-side when the ball was headed on to him by Ki-Hyeon in the build up to Murphy’s goal and so it should have been disallowed.

The Right Result is a 3-2 away win for Manchester City.

Fun & Frolics In The Football League

Whatever the Premier League (PL) does the Football League (FL) follows. And does it worse – takeover-mania the latest example.

In March, the ‘Political Economy of Football’ web-site noted: “Foreign investors are targeting Championship clubs with little or no reputation for acquisition” (trans: not previously touched with a bargepole); Chinese casino owners linked to Sheffield Wednesday and ‘Manhattan Sports Capital Partners’ to Coventry in sentences never before written.

Luckily, true Brit Sir Jack Hayward bucked the trend, selling Wolves to businessman Steve Morgan (who failed in his bid to buy Liverpool in 2004). With remarks you might construe as borderline racist, Hayward delighted in selling to an Englishman (“as a Liverpudlian, I almost qualify” quipped Morgan, to gales of laughter no doubt). “I couldn’t have sold (to foreigners). Couldn’t speak the language” said…Bahamas-resident Hayward; though the “West Ham crowd” he met seemed sufficiently coherent for London’s East End. “It’s an English club” which Hayward considered selling to…Graeme Souness.

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SUNDERLAND vs READING - Royals denied penalty

Saturday 15th September 2007

A shot by Reading’s Liam Rosenior was blocked by Ross Wallace with his hand in the area as he dived in front of him during the melee. Steve Tanner missed the incident but it should have been a penalty kick.

The Right Result was a 2-2 draw.

CHELSEA vs BLACKBURN - Both sides smell a rat

Saturday 15th September 2007

Salomon Kalou’s well-publicised ‘goal’ that was disallowed for offside should have stood as he was level with the ball when new boy Juliano Belletti crossed, so Jose Mourinho was rightly furious. Later on in the game though John Obi Mikel caught Morten Gamst Pedersen with a clumsy challenge inside the area which sent him sprawling, yet Howard Webb failed to award a penalty…he should have.

The Right Result is a 1-1 draw.

A Wee Bit Of Fisticuffs

Don’t get me started. Rugby’s World Cup may be upon us (Wilkinson’s injured already, of course). But I’d rather pick my nose than watch a game. And when I see the rugby-centricity of our media, especially compared to some of what is written about football, I despair even more.

It was best summed up on Carling Cup final weekend last March. Column YARDS on the brawl which ‘disfigured’ the Chelsea / Arsenal match where, give or take, no-one was injured; although Wayne Bridge’s claim that “at least Chelsea got the three points” suggested a whack on the head. Nothing whatsoever on the six minutes of Six Nations rugby I chanced upon the previous afternoon, where an Italian player deliberately stamped on a Scottish opponent’s head; an act of violence condemned by the television commentators solely because it cost Italy a simple kick at goal…

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A Transfers Tale

He said: “It would be interesting to see who’s spent what and how it tallies with success.” And he pays me, so I said: “Good idea.” At which precise moment my troubles began..

Harry Harris made the point recently but it’s a good one nonetheless. Why are so many transfer fees ‘undisclosed’? Players’ wages are routinely splashed on sportspages and they ARE none of our business. I’d have understood a press embargo on spending £22m on Damien Duff. But Reading, understandably happy to admit to an £80,700 outlay on Kevin Doyle, ‘undisclosed’ the outlay on Shane Long, at the same time, to the same club – Cork City. Likewise Fernando Torres is a very £26.5m move in most newspapers, yet officially ‘(undisc)’. And Kenny Miller’s deadline day trip to Derby was £3m AND undisclosed in the same Independent article.

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