WEST HAM UNITED v LIVERPOOL - Lucas’ aid

Wednesday 30 January 2008

After the FA Cup break, the Premier League returned with a full midweek programme and two Right Result regulars playing a leading part. Liverpool suffered a heartbreak defeat at West Ham United after Jamie Carragher conceded a last-gasp penalty. It should not have been so harsh on the Reds’ stalwart though as Liverpool should have a penalty of their own due to handball by Lucas Neill. It could actually have been a pen. for two reasons as the Hammers right-back was also guilty of shirt-pulling in the same incident.

The Right Result is a 1-1 draw.

ABOUT FOOTBALL

I’m writing about football this week. Not mismanagement or mis-managers. Football. Hope you enjoy it. Though North Londoners “may find some images disturbing.”

It’s a frightening (for me) twenty-one years since I first saw Spurs and Arsenal in a League (“Littlewoods”) Cup semi-final – a three-game epic, the emotional scars from which have barely healed in N17.

Twice, Arsenal were “one-nil down, two-one up”, according to the song, “that’s the way we won the cup” in 1971, beating Liverpool despite Bob Wilson’s temporary allergy to near-posts. And modern Arsenal naturally produced a more expansive version (“two-nil down, three-two up”) to beat Spurs in last year’s “Carling” Cup semi.

So when Arsenal went “one-nil down” at the Lane last week, I feared the usual. A fear magnified as the relief at Denilson’s injury (sorry, nothing personal) dissolved when Cesc bloody Fabregas warmed up. Oh bliss to be wrong.

During the eighties, Spurs had been better than Arsenal, briefly. Hard to envisage in colour, but true. Even Arsenal’s famous 5-0 at the Lane in 1978 (Mark Kendall at one post, Liam Brady’s shot flying inside the other) was avenged goal-for-goal in 1983.

By 1987, both teams were in the ascendant and would have challenged for European places if there’d been any, post-Heysel. Arsenal were even displaying title credentials – George Graham pulling them up by David Rocastle’s boot-strings, Martin Hayes briefly becoming Ted Drake.

Meanwhile, Clive Allen was breaking Greaves’ non-alcohol-related Tottenham records, spearheading a successful 4-5-1 formation under David “Chimbomba” Pleat (dear readers, he once had a clue).

Allen grabbed a hat-trick in Spurs’ 5-0 quarter-final replay rout of West Ham (leaving a not-so-happy Hammer work-colleague muttering, correctly: “2-0 would have been an injustice” all the way back to Seven Sisters). And, predictably, scored the Highbury first-leg’s only goal – landing flat on his back from some height in celebration, yards from the North Bank.

Spurs should have scored more – same as this year. Gus Caesar, an 80s Titus Bramble, floundered in Allen’s wake. And some Spurs fans departed the Clock End uneasy at 1-0 – they’d have turned into the “Highbury Library” at 1-1. But it was a perfect 21^st birthday for me, a dozen-games-a-season Lilywhite, seeing Spurs win at Highbury (the only time I’ve done so). Pity it ultimately mattered not a jot.

Having won at the Lane in the league (2-1, natch), Arsenal were still in it – if they could stop Allen. However, for much of the second-leg’s first-half…they couldn’t. It was only Allen 1 Arsenal 0 at half-time. Yet Arsenal were now long-odds against. Enter Spurs’ tannoy announcer.

Some say he earned a winners’ medal (Caesar’s, generally) after detailing Tottenham’s ticketing arrangements for the final…”SHOULD we get there.” He was merely reading from the programme – plus the “offending” words – alongside equivalent Arsenal arrangements. But a Gooner-friend re-iterates this tale about every fortnight (guess the text HE received last Tuesday) – Arsenal players and fans allegedly riled by the announcer’s presumptuousness.

But surely Viv Anderson’s equaliser was more influential? I mean, Viv ANDERSON?? And after Niall Quinn made it “one-nil down, two-one up”, Spurs clung on through 90, then 120, minutes. Gooners cheered, however, when Pleat won the toss for play-off home “advantage” (away goals?? Foreign muck).

The play-off was Allen v. Arsenal again. And, after two glaring misses, Allen went one-nil up again after half-time. Enter Spurs’ goalkeeper.

Whisper it, but Ray Clemence was rubbish for Spurs. From 1981’s Charity Shield to…here. Arsenal deserved to win. But Clemence’s re-make of Hampden Park 1976 – nutmegged by Dalglish for Scotland’s winner – caused the decisive goals. “One-nil down, two-one up.” Again. (At least Arsenal re-iterated the “one-nil down” line in the final, erasing “Liverpool never lose when Ian Rush scores” from football’s lexicon).

Subsequently, Arsenal have lorded it, winning about half a million trophies to Spurs’ two. I once even suggested every Arsenal player was better than every Spur. “Lineker’s better than Caesar,” my Gooner-mate graciously acknowledged.

Last year, Arsenal’s semi-final line-ups said it all about the different footballing planets the clubs inhabited – spelling trouble for football, with only five places separating them in the Premiership.

This year spelt J-U-A-N-D-E-R-A-M-O-S. Only sporting director Daniel Comnoli’s player-selection meddling (the prosecution resting Prince Boateng) maintains any astronomical gap.

Arsenal, however, have remained football’s worst losers – even without the painful Ashley Cole. Managing director Keith Edelman storming out twenty minutes from the end last week. Emanuel Adebayor echoing a nation’s thoughts – though not actions, the fool – telling Nicolas Bendtner “I’m only on ‘cos you’re shit.” Wenger one notch above claiming five lucky breakaway goals.

For Spurs, echoes of their 5-1 semi-final win over Chelsea in 2002, ushering in a reversal of fortunes against the Blues. No wins in 26 games beforehand, one-in-15 since…ah… AND Spurs were “Graham-Polled” in the final, the slick-haired serial-booker doing the “Mike Riley” (“no penalty”) late on.

Still, 5-1, eh?

WHICH NEEDS NO FURTHER COMMENT
Thurrock and Havant & Waterlooville brought forward their league game to ease Havant’s fixture congestion (seven games in three weeks). All protagonists – Thurrock, Blue Square League – were happy. Havant’s Justin Gregory was suspended for one match, so he couldn’t play at Anfield for, surely, the only time in his career.

No, repeat, NO rules were broken. A four-man FA “regulatory-commission” decided it was fixture-list manipulation.

They are poor humans. Hopefully one day, their dreams get crushed. Except they probably lack the heart to have dreams.

One side did break FA Cup rules at Anfield. Rule 15 (a): “Each team…shall represent (their) full available strength.” Liverpool fielded Leiva Lucas and Charles Itanje. Liverpool are in the Premier League.

Which needs no further comment.

On BBC1, at Mansfield’s FA Cup-tie, Carlton Palmer said: “Keith Haslam (Mansfield’s owner) has done a terrific job over the past 15 years and built a new stadium.”

In his match commentary Steve Wilson said: “The ground has only three sides. And a reduced capacity for safety reasons.”

Mansfield have never been lower in the Football League.

Stags fans said, in unison: “Carlton Palmer is a *****r.”

Which needs no further comment.

‘MotorMurph’ is written by Mark Murphy

MANCHESTER CITY v WEST HAM UNITED - No grey day in Manchester

Sunday 20th January 2008

As the rain continued to tumble down, it was a familiarly grey day in Manchester but there should have been no grey areas about the goal that falsely gave Manchester City a point at Eastlands. Darius Vassell was shown to be in an offside position when the cross was played in. As the offside law almost states verbatim, the former Aston Villa marksman was gaining an advantage when the ball bounced to him off a West Ham United defender before he converted the chance: “Gaining an advantage… means playing a ball that rebounds to him off an opponent having been in an offside position.” It might not come entirely as a shock, but subsequent coverage would seem to suggest that some so-called experts do not know the law (pages 35 - 36 and 102 - 109 of the Laws of the Game 2007 / 2008, available from the FIFA web site at www.fifa.com, apply).

The Right Result is a 1-0 win for West Ham United.

CLASS TREACHERY

Man Yoo Chief Executive David Gill is right. There’ll always be people criticising the club that makes him a millionaire. So why make it so easy for us? I mean, Ferguson’s lost it. It seems he literally doesn’t know what’s going on around him. Lambasting United’s New Year’s Day crowd for not being loud enough when his team weren’t being good enough. And lambasting the media for allowing supporters right-of-reply.

Of course, Ferguson has ‘previous’ with the media – it’s why Carlos Queiroz is famous. He hasn’t spoken to the BBC since they transmitted a 2004 documentary rightly questioning United players’ relationships with Elite Sports Agency (prop: Jason Ferguson), relationships quietly terminated in the programme’s aftermath. And SKY got banned, episode 94, from a recent press conference merely for interviewing United fans’ representatives.

There’d been none of this before Glazer. Ferguson once declared himself a “bridge between club and fans…supporting fans in their causes,” including opposition to Glazer. Now, FC United are “promoting themselves” and “thought they should have a say in the running of a football club”, an oddball criticism of a fans-run-club such as FC United. He denies fans’ role in defeating BSkyB’s 1998 takeover bid, contradicting the Monopolies and Merger Commission, which rejected the bid partly because of fans’ campaigning. And: “The independent supporters and FC United are not the conscience of the club.” He couldn’t be more wrong if he’d said: “Ken Bates – lovely fella.”

Naturally, when Glazer became owner, Ferguson became quieter – you don’t diss the man with the P45 near-at-hand, just ask Kevin Blackwell. But he could have stayed quieter. As it is, the former Clyde-shipyard union-activist has returned “class traitor” to our vocabulary. A disgrace. (There goes this web-site’s exclusive Ferguson interview)…

In mitigation, Ferguson is not alone. Gill is mutating into his other-worldly predecessor Peter “Chelsea rule the world” Kenyon in his worship of the bottom line. Changing his view of Glazer – for one and a half million reasons a year – from “no sensible person could support them” to “they’re excellent owners, true to their word” via the untrue “they’ve invested in the team.” And, apparently, they’ve “not sought credit” – which will surprise a variety of money-lenders.

United are the world’s richest club, by 12 euros, only once future Nike sponsorship is snuck…sorry…”factored” in (for that reason alone?). But the Glazers have surpassed many of their own targets. £245m turnover was a specific target…for 2010. While pre-tax earnings and matchday income targets have been exceeded by 2-5%.

Yet this, from a season only another treble could outstrip, will hardly make a dent in United’s debt. Interest payments match all but relative pennies of post-tax profits. Much-vaunted transfer outlay has been partly deferred. And headlines like: “United plan could bleed fans dry” expose where the money’s really coming from (not that Ferguson’s reading).

A repeat of, oooh…say, 2005/06 and profits wouldn’t cover three-quarters of the interest. The transfer expenditure Gill cites ad nauseum is 30% of the £70m headline figure – thanks to staged payments for Nani and Anderson and obligatory complexities surrounding Carlos Tevez. “So instead of £70m, United have spent only £20m already” said the Independent’s Nick Harris.

But the 20,000 fans who ‘went’ to the Coventry Carling Cup-tie without necessarily leaving home made a viable contribution. Hence Gill’s delight at the impact of ticket-price-rises on next year’s projected income, alongside thanking the Glazers - like a penny piece had come from their pockets.

Everything at United has taken an above-inflation price-hike. And that money is vital, whatever their projected Korean income. Ferguson can’t have his beloved crowd-noise “when everyone is boosting profits until the moment of kick-off”, Jim White noted in the Telegraph, surveying a half-full Old Trafford at 2.57. “Secondary spend” Gill romantically labels it.

“Fans as customers” isn’t cynical comment on United’s strategy. It IS their strategy. It says so, in parent company Red Football’s 2005/06 accounts, page ONE. And ‘customers’ don’t bounce down aisles chanting “Tesco, Tesco”. So the equivalent won’t happen at United. If you want your salary paid, Ferguson, live with that.

And it’ll get worse. Take the Glazers’ “word” on ticket-prices. An uncharacteristically-baseless David Conn Guardian article concentrated on their alleged price-promises to government, ignoring the 54% rise “by “2010” promised in their business plan, alongside a commitment merely to be “competitive.”

They’ll have spotted Arsenal’s 20%-higher matchday-income from 20%-lower crowds. And if Emirates seats are £94, £93 will be “competitive” as soon as supply-and-demand allows. Again, in the business plan: “Premiership teams in the North…have been viewed as having a lower-wealth fan-base (but) the gulf is not enormous (and) tickets have been undervalued.” They don’t disregard the North/South divide, as critics claim. They believe it barely exists.

Some will never see the takeover “as a good thing even if we win ten Champions Leagues-in-a-row” Gill complains, understanding nothing of the appeal of “competitive” sport. For any club to so dominate would be unhealthy, even – to use the only language Gill does understand – gate receipts. The fiercely competitive Ferguson would surely baulk at a job so uncompetitive, unless he’s gone really bad.

But even on Gill’s terms, United’s figures are barely adequate – though the ‘hard-of-thinking’ have swallowed the hype (like ‘Pat’ on the Manchester Evening News web-site, spouting such rubbish about the accounts you suspect ‘Pat’ is short for ‘Patsy’). The Glazers admitted that top-three finishes and the Champions League knock-out stages were annual essentials – confirmed, and more, by these figures. Another 2005/06 simply mustn’t happen.

The portion of debt not currently dumped on United - £138m borrowed at 14.25% - will be when market conditions allow. Another £19m to find each year, unless United can attack the main debt the way they did Newcastle.

Fan loyalty therefore remains fundamental. Talk of 333 million fans worldwide is, handily, cheap. And United “must harvest every opportunity” (Gill). But how many “harvests” can these millions gather? Unless merchandise is of too poor quality to last a season, they won’t be annual (why do I feel like I’ve just given someone an idea?) or reliable. Defeat to Lyon will destabilise this ‘fan-base’ more readily than those who actually went to the Coventry game.

They also need to be more ‘loyal’ than the billion ‘potential’ viewers worldwide of Arsenal/United coverage this season, 90% of whom found something better to do. Otherwise risky trips to Saudi Arabia mid-season for £1m will become the norm.

However, what appalls most is Ferguson and his disdain for fans who suffer institutionalised exploitation as thanks for their efforts. If anyone/anything has earned the right to act so arrogantly, it’s Ferguson and his career– from Dunfermline’s (Dunfermline’s !!) 1960s European campaigns to last year’s title. But no-one has earned that right, not even Ferguson.
‘WHICH NEEDS NO FURTHER COMMENT’: Five Live’s Mark Pougatch recently questioned Birmingham chairman David Gold on the damage the Premier League’s foreign-recruitment policy/frenzy was doing to the England team. “Not our responsibility” Gold insisted. Pougatch fired back with the League’s mission statement: “…to develop playing talent that will provide international success with the England team at all levels.” “It’s on your web-site!!” he screamed incredulously. “Not our responsibility” Gold persisted, in the face of the evidence.

Which needs no further comment.

‘MotorMurph’ is written by Mark Murphy

BOLTON WANDERERS v BLACKBURN ROVERS - Rovers cornered

Sunday 13th January 2008

If Bolton Wanderers could take their Right Result decisions into their Premier League results, they would now be in a relatively comfortable mid-table position. They have reason to feel aggrieved again following defeat in the Lancashire derby with Blackburn Rovers. The corner that led to Rovers’ first goal by Christopher Samba should have been a goal-kick as Danny Guthrie played the ball off Morten Gamst Pedersen’s shins.

The Right Result is a 1-1 draw.

ASTON VILLA v READING - It had to be, Carew

Saturday 12th January 2008

The meeting of two of the top three in the table of most Right Results incidents this season inevitably led to more corrections at Villa Park. John Carew’s opener for Aston Villa should have been disallowed as the big centre-forward was in an offside position. The balance has to be redressed for the Norwegian striker though as the disallowed ‘goal’ he scored in the second-half should have stood as Gabby Agbonlahor was wrongly flagged as offside in the build-up. In between, Martin Laursen’s headed goal from a corner should not have happened as it should he been a goal-kick. The ball came off Agbonlahor last, rather than Reading skipper Graeme Murty.

The Right Result is a 2-1 win for Aston Villa.

MANCHESTER UNITED v NEWCASTLE UNITED - After eight?

Saturday 12th January 2008

A traumatic week on Tyneside ended with a merciless mauling at Manchester United for Newcastle United. The managerless Toon conceded six second-half goals at Old Trafford, and it should have been even worse. The home United should have been awarded a first-half penalty when Alan Smith tripped Ryan Giggs and another spot-kick after the break when Stephen Carr pushed Rio Ferdinand. Not that it can be considered in any way a consolation, but Newcastle should have got on the scoresheet as Michael Owen’s ‘goal’, that was ruled out for offside, should have stood.

The Right Result is a 8-1 win for Manchester United.

WEST HAM UNITED v FULHAM - In Green’s environment

Saturday 12th January 2008

Fulham boss Roy Hodgson saw his new charges get off to a flying start at West Ham United with an invalid goal. Simon Davies’ free-kick went straight in but it should have been disallowed as Carlos Boganegra was in an offside position. Although the American defender did not touch the ball, in accordance with Law 11, his movements deceived or distracted an opponent. In this case it was Hammers keeper Rob Green who was clearly anticipating that he may have to make a save from a header.

The Right Result is a 2-0 win for West Ham United.

MORE FUN AND FROLICS IN THE FOOTBALL LEAGUE

The national press confined it to their archives. But Coventry’s pre-Christmas takeover has only just happened – on two levels. As sort-of-predicted in this column, Ray Ranson, backed by “SISU Private Equity Funds”, struggled to get the 90% of Coventry shares ‘his’ deal demanded (the remaining 10% would then be compulsorily repurchased). Minority-shareholders, holding 28.6% of the shares, were mysteriously reluctant to swap their financial outlay and voting rights for SISU’s “non-voting, non-participatory” shares…and a penny.

January 7^th was the, unexplained, deadline for shareholders to return certificates. And City ex-Chairman Joe Elliott wanted it all over by Christmas. But along with the usual practical problems with share registers - deaths not notified (football hardly a priority at such times), addresses out-of-date - the required 62% of minority-shareholder support wasn’t forthcoming. Cue emotional blackmail.

Ex-director Michael French handed a debut to the “If you don’t hand over your shares, the club will die” line. And Ranson added: “It is irrelevant what people paid…in administration the shares would be worthless.” As worthless as the shares SISU were offering instead – an irony which escaped him.

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ONCE MORE UNTO THE BREACHES

English football has nothing to learn from foreign billionaires about financial chicanery. Take Mansfield Town-owner Keith Haslam. Football should be in his blood. His father Harry was a long-serving manager, nearly signing a young Maradona for Sheffield United, they say. Junior’s execrable record at Mansfield suggests he was adopted.

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