THAT WAS THE WEEK THAT WAS

Sepp Blatter’s frightening non-equivocation about the Premier League’s (PL) ‘International Round’ (“it’s abuse”) would normally sink any footballing venture, even one involving three of the world’s five richest clubs – and wasn’t it indicative of PL arrogance that they didn’t think they needed FIFA permission? But Richard Scudamore has two hopes of seeing his plans succeed. No, not those two.

One, that a Swiss court case curtails Blatter’s FIFA presidency (watch this space). And, two, that what Rupert Murdoch wants, he usually gets…apart from a smack in the mouth.

Murdoch had to be involved, with new media rights up for grabs. The Independent’s Stephen Glover wrote last Monday that papers were reporting the sale of football’s soul, except for the Sun’s “Premier League football…to conquer the world.” But Murdoch’s idea all along?

We’re only sure of “the likely possibility that the Australian-born tycoon may in some way be connected” – the Telegraph, hedging bets furiously. However, News Corporation directors like Sir Rod Eddington don’t approach Scudamore with world-domination enterprises without Murdoch’s say-so and STAY News Corporation directors.

Everyone’s had a secondary agenda, except fans. They’ve just said a proper league fixture-list (i.e. the same one for everyone) should have 21 casting votes against changes “unanimously-backed” (or not, as it transpired) by 20 PL chairmen. But in a world where £8m beats £7m regardless of consequence, ‘proper’ doesn’t matter.

Scudamore’s secondary agenda is his career. Last summer, it seemed American club-owners wanted ‘one of their own’ running the league. So Scudamore’s had voices in his head all week screaming: “push this through, limey, or you’re history.” Little wonder he’s been talking cack.

An “excited” Scudamore was “inundated with inquiries from prospective promoters before the announcement.” Who…and HOW…wasn’t clear. Although stories of NORTH Korean interest have since appeared (‘Axis of evil’ Premier League, anyone?).

“These fixtures won’t decide who wins the league and who gets relegated”, apparently. And there’s an “inherent unfairness in our fixture programme” which has escaped everyone else. He even, briefly, claimed the plan could…HELP England’s 2018 bid. “If that helps, I’m the Pope’s illegitimate sister,” said FA insider, Gladys Ratzinger.

Fans wouldn’t be priced out because: “It costs money to go from Newcastle to London”, suggesting fans could better afford foreign trips…by making expensive domestic ones? No, me neither. He also said sponsors would find a way to include the “impecunious but truly devoted” (Independent). Freebies for season-ticket holders? Hopefully, we’ll never know.

He revealed part of his agenda by urging fans to travel so that “what is transmitted in broadcast terms is a unique and attractive proposition…” for, say, Australia’s FoxTel (prop: R. Murdoch)? And critics? “People don’t take new ideas well.” Yes, especially when they’re shit.

I’ve previously portrayed Scudamore as doing an unreasonable job brilliantly. But the job’s now too unreasonable even for him. His willingness to follow a Murdoch agenda has been linked to his future job ambitions or prospects. So maybe he just wants out.

Or maybe he IS just an idiot.

The Sun’s obvious motivation aside, the papers were on populist agenda - that sound you hear is newspaper editors jumping on bandwagons. Hitherto unspoken criticisms of high-ticket prices, the wealth gap between the PL and the rest…suddenly they were all on our side, from Mail to Mirror. And Harry Harris.

The Express’s crusader logo became relevant for the first time in yonks, the ‘crusade’ an attempt to kill two birds with one stone. Any increased circulation revenue could pay the legal bills Harris accrued libelling (some achievement, this) agent Willie McKay. And making Harris lead ‘crusader’ gave him no time to libel anyone else.

The Mail’s Charles Sale vilified the plan almost beyond reason. His expose of Eddington’s involvement was spoiled by headlines insisting Eddington had changed his mind. Eddington initially told Scudamore the plan’s financial success hinged on fixtures being competitive. Now, he was saying…exactly that. But, juxtaposed with growing opposition to competitive fixtures, his views were erroneously portrayed as backtracking.

Eddington’s non-Murdoch agenda is his self-explanatory Victoria Major Events Company. Bar Boxing Day cricket at Melbourne, Man Yoo vs. whoever in the PL would be the major event in Victoria.

Modern ‘football people’ have obvious agenda – though the Telegraph’s Sue Mott declared “it’s about money” like some thrilling exclusive. Nonetheless, even they have surprised us.

Take Steve Coppell: “The PL has destroyed competition for years…it isn’t an even competition…just a mandate to make money.” Hear, hear! “I am proud and delighted to be a part of it.” Pardon?!!?

Coppell has garnered considerable respect over the years. University-educated, rare in football. Skilful winger, hard-working manager. But his repugnant comments above are consistent. In 1997 he sabotaged the report of an investigation into financial malpractice involving PL clubs and agents, inexplicably declaring at the last minute that there was insufficient evidence of dodgy dealings, despite there being plenty of it. “Looking after his own” it was suggested. Then and now, it seems.

Roy Keane’s comments were a prawn-sandwich short of a picnic, best summed up by biographer Eamon Dunphy: “He’s been sucked into that awful PL vacuousness…it’s sad to see him bull*****ing.” Ken Bates’ tuppence-worth emerged just as Leeds’ prospects of PL status in 2010 sank. “It’s mad and will alienate fans everywhere,” he said, possibly talking about himself as well.

Benitez’s common-sensical dissection sounded like someone tired of answering “we have to focus on winning the next game” to every question. Liverpool’s owners’ views are un-recorded but are not thought adjacent to “I don’t like it, you must play in England, changing the competition in this way is not fair.”

David Beckham said: “Clubs have to be really careful with this.” Thanks, Dave. And when Birmingham chairman David Gold smarmed; “this is amazingly exciting” did you suddenly wish relegation on them?

Media-types joined in. Max Clifford’s “this plan smacks of ever more greed” smacked of “Why didn’t I think of it?” David Steinberg, Fox Soccer Channel vice-president (prop R. Murdoch), gushed: “It would be a great platform for us with our marquee property accessible live and in person.” Proof that the American comedy-writers’ strike HAS finished.

The Indie’s Sam Wallace, meanwhile, was eyeing annual Bangkok holidays, railing against “self-appointed fans’ group worthies” (elected actually Sam, unlike…YOU) opposing the plan “on spurious grounds” like “betraying fans.” The “principle of the league is more important” he cried. Yeah, that’ll work. Tell Gold that and he’ll look at you like you own the kinky clothes shop.

Scudamore got one right. Many critics of PL shameless self-interest are shamelessly self-interested themselves. Asia’s Mohamed Bin Hammam is a leading FIFA-wannabe, as well as genuinely fearful of European football’s eastward expansion, emotively-branded colonialism. Should power edge closer by echoing his own FA’s views: “It would be a welcome addition for football in Qatar”, he’ll echo. And talk of “immoral, unethical and disrespectful” Man Yoo tours and the PL “putting money before responsibility and dignity” will dissipate.

Turning to coal under all this are the plan’s financial flaws. Even the trumpeted £5m-per-club is disputed, and dismissed contemptuously. “One more home game” snorted Arsenal’s Peter Hill-Wood. And that assumes PL admission prices, which can barely be charged in Islington, let alone India. South Africa’s average admission price for league games, £1.20, wouldn’t make it worth clubs’ while getting out of proverbial bed.

And the PL isn’t as popular as it thinks it is. One billion watched all of Arsenal/Man Yoo? Er…no…eight million. Official figures say only 27 million watched more than three minutes live. Excluding pubs and clubs, admittedly. But 973 million watching ‘down the pub’? Not in Qatar. Or China, where only three men and a shih-tzu have watched the PL since pay-TV won broadcasting rights (and THAT story broke conveniently for Murdoch). Even with free access, 900 million Chinese didn’t watch it. Basketball’s their thing.

Such points need re-iterating. Football bosses are moveable feasts, whether by financial compromises or Swiss court cases. No word is final. And the Express’s “outright victory for our crusade” is nothing of the sort. Issues from foreign-player quotas to “social responsibility” are now being presented as bargaining-counters for Scudamore – issues the PL ought to be addressing anyway (and the next time they say they can’t, we now know they’ll be lying).

Even if it was “the Express wot won it.” - which it was…in Harris’s head - “Express plan gets Blatter backing,” is beyond parody. As if Blatter had even HEARD of this “crusade.” Do even Express readers themselves think the paper made any difference?

So, has this all been one long feasibility study? The papers have supplied countless tips on what the PL must do, to whom, where and when. Such studies can cost millions in consultants’ hands (‘hello’ can require invoicing). Why spend that when Harris & co can do it for you for the price of a press conference and a web-link?

Remember, what Murdoch wants, he usually gets. And it took widespread fan-opposition…and more to defeat his Man Yoo bid in 1998. We drop our guard at our peril.

‘MotorMurph’ is written by Mark Murphy

Entry Filed under: MotorMurph Column

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