THE CUP RUNNETH OVER

It was an emotional night. But Barnsley’s defeat of Chelsea was not, as Motson said at the time, “the greatest cup shock of all-time.” Motty had a mixed night, calling the goal superbly, the final whistle less so (“the reasons for quittin’ getting bigger each day” as Willie Nelson once sang) - his rationale, “what with Chelsea’s millions”, as appalling as those who believe football was invented in 1992.

Glorious though they were, Barnsley are ONE division below Chelsea. The biggest ‘one’ division ever. But bigger than Sutton and Coventry? Wimbledon drawing AT reigning champions Leeds – who were robbed in that season’s European Cup Final – having won AT First Division Burnley?

Wrexham and Arsenal? Lee Dixon wasn’t making the comparison. Worcester City and Liverpool? Tom Hicks would be insulted…if he cared. Motty commentated on Hereford/Newcastle ferchrissakes!

Motty’s hyperbole was part of an irritatingly-concerted effort to talk-up the FA Cup when, to proper fans rather than the concentration-free satellite-TV brigade, the competition does all the required talking. Especially this year.

Chelsea’s defeat was met by those who hadn’t seen it with a disbelieving, usually four-lettered, exclamation, followed by a laugh from Sid James’ dark side and realisation that Barnsley/Bristol Rovers could be the Final. Unkind comments included: “Won’t be a sell-out” and “It’ll be embarrassing…another Millwall.” But “tee-hee” was the eventual consensus.

Admittedly, it’s an odd competition which has Portsmouth in a ‘dream’ final. But what a way to get there. Man Yoo’s keeper conceding a penalty and sent-off for being kneed in the head. Rio Ferdinand inches from a world-class save (which deserved greater attention). The goalline itself clearing Michael Carrick’s effort – either that or poltergeists. Glen Johnson’s perm denying Carlos Tevez.

Middlesbrough filling the Riverside for the first time since sane people thought Bryan Robson had a clue, then producing a performance whose only redeeming feature was that it rendered Alan Green momentarily speechless.

And football as a unifying force. A bar full of people singing “just because you’re losing” when Ferguson threw his chewing-gum away in disgust in stoppage-time. Abnormal to sing at a screen, as if the miserable git could hear us. But, so what?

Just one downside (even the worst-ever offside decision, Ishmael Miller’s second goal at Bristol Rovers, only made the final score flattering). It had me chanting “just because you lost” at a newspaper – must try rational conversation with animate objects. But it deserved more serious opprobrium.

You could even call it the biggest shock of the lot – Ferguson being ‘worst loser’ on a weekend when Arsenal lost two points because of the pitch. At least Wenger’s bleatings were just pathetic – if players on Britain’s average annual salary per week can’t play on a pitch like Wigan’s they don’t deserve to be champions (Derby’s Baseball Ground in the 1970s was properly evoked, so muddy they had to re-paint the penalty spot during one game).

At cursory glance, Ferguson’s anti-referee rant and assistant Carlos Queiroz’s BBC cover version were ‘just because’ they lost. But closer scrutiny revealed repugnant impugning of the honesty of fellow-football professionals.

Clearly, new pressures are on Ferguson - Man Yoo’s Cup exit cost them £2m, assuming they’d gone on to win it. Significant when there’s £500m+ to pay-off. If Ferguson himself was so publicly branded a drunken bully whose success relied on more talented assistants (and Mike Phelan), he’d rightly be consulting m’learned friends.

Ferguson deserves rank alongside Busby, Stein, Herrera etc in the pantheon of managerial greats. But the dignity with which most greats lost is far beyond Ferguson. And for all the ‘dark arts’ supposedly practised by Herrera’s Inter in their 60s heyday, I’m sure he never let himself down in public like…this.

“Referees only watch one side” claimed Ferguson. No, really. That’s why opponents get so ‘many’ penalties at United. Portsmouth’s award was museum-exhibition rare. Only recently has Raul Fox, back in Norwich’s European heyday, stopped being the face of away team spot-kicks at Old Trafford.

“All those refs, we never get them at home – only away….that tells you everything about him (Hackett).” A comment which only told you everything about him (Ferguson). Just as well that his point here wasn’t clear. Or the refs named, including new addition to the Premier League list Mark Clattenburg-Jesus-God, would have been consulting their learned friends.

Lee Dixon’s bemused expression is something of a trademark. But having seen the match alongside Ferguson’s comments, it was understandable. And Ferguson’s best? Portsmouth were “encouraged” because they “knew” the referee “was on their side.” Encouraged to do what, mount a desperate rearguard action and ride a ton of luck? Did Portsmouth ‘know’ this before fouling Ronaldo…in the first minute? That’s the logical conclusion of Ferguson’s argument. And borderline libel, saying it on telly (Thank God for his Beeb boycott. Wouldn’t want licence-fees wasted on this). Ferguson’s only defence could be he was talking bollocks. It’s a convincing one.

Ronaldo, “scared sometimes to do skills”, revived the canard about how “referees…should be protecting” skilful players, Queiroz’s ‘contribution to the debate.’ But if Ronaldo is fouled 14 times during a game, should he receive more ‘protection’ than, say, an equally-fouled Robbie Savage? OK, bad example. But doesn’t Queiroz’s talk of ‘protection’ support the refereeing bias he spent the rest of last weekend decrying?

How different history would have been if managers did get “sacked because of things like that” (i.e. every mistake). Ferguson, for one, wouldn’t have made the 90s at United after signing Ralph Milne, a tubby Dundee United reject – as bad for United as that sounds (Ferguson admitted this mistake too). Oh, and what did Ferguson say about the game’s worst tackle…by Wayne Rooney?:

“…………………”

Hope I haven’t misquoted him.

Players can be fined two weeks wages for misdemeanours. And unless Ferguson went in two-footed on Redknapp at full-time, his misdemeanours last weekend couldn’t have been worse. So justice would surely be served by a two-weeks’-wages fine…upped to three weeks on appeal for frivolity. That’d cheer Steve Gibson up, anyway.

Ferguson’s behaviour was slightly over-shadowed. But I can’t think of better over-shadows than those FA Cup quarter-finals. Proper teams with…eeek…some local players – although Cardiff players’ post-match interviews had too much of a cockney-lilt for some tastes.

Quote of the week was surely: “Is it time to dream the impossible, that a team outside the top four can win the Premier League?” Well, yes, without inverted commas around ‘top four’. But you know what they meant.

THE Cup is this good every year for those who follow it from August – even those whose teams barely made September this season (hello!). The greatest cup competition in the world. And no amount of Alex-Bloody-Ferguson can overshadow that.

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO “WHA???!!!!****????”…

…like Richard Scudamore’s interview in the Telegraph on 13 March. On the back of the Premier League’s colonisation of the Champions League quarter-finals stage, its Chief Executive was in full voice. And even for him it was rubbish.Credit to him for two things. One, he didn’t pretend the PL was English football in any meaningful way. And, two, the “attributes” to which he referred were the billions of pounds he largely negotiated out of TV companies for PL broadcasting rights.

But that didn’t stop him fulfilling the old prophecy: “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.”

He mentioned the PL’s “120-year tradition”, which is only 16 years-old and would be destroyed by his “International Round” (interviewee Henry Winter wasn’t about to point this nonsense out - when it comes to Scudamore, Winter isn’t that sort of interviewer).

“We don’t mind sharing” our “attributes” with the “40 leagues and national associations” who’ve sought PL advice recently. Football League officials, denied so many “attributes” by the breakaway of the PL – and its money - in 1992, will have a view on that.

Arsenal’s 4-5-1 formation is “en vogue”, twenty years after I was watching it regularly at Spurs. David Pleat, European master-tactician, eh? Who’d have thought it? Now, if he can pronounce ChimBOMBA and MalBRANK….

PL clubs “translate” their style “into a European context.” Wonder how? Is Ronaldo Portuguese or something? Is Torres Spanish? Is Fabregas Catalonian? (Rooney and Gerrard are European too, but that’s another subject).

“English players who play against the best should be able to perform internationally”…against, say, Croatia?

“How good is our own competition?” Apparently it’s good that nearly half the league are battling for survival.

AND, get this, “the middle bit of the league is interesting.” He didn’t mean the UEFA Cup places, either. “Getting into the top half is important to people psychologically.” Read the current PL table, Richard. “There’s action everywhere”, he exclaimed. Except between his ears.

And he took Winter’s joke question about the CL quarter-finals being the “International Round by stealth”…SERIOUSLY!: “That misses entirely one of the main strategic objectives of…..” I nearly wept.

Incredibly, he’s still talking about the International round in the present tense. Hopefully, we’ll soon be talking about it, and Richard Scudamore’s role in football, in the past tense.

‘MotorMurph’ is written by Mark Murphy

Entry Filed under: MotorMurph Column

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