SOUTH OF HEAVEN

Remarkably, Rupert Lowe could soon be an EX-former Southampton chairman, thanks to the ego-drive that has been primarily responsible for Saints’ fall from top-flight regulars to potential league opponents of Rochdale.

Comedian Harry Hill once said: “You can always tell someone’s personality by what they’re like.” Which is why you can tell that Lowe is an arrogant tosser. It could just be a class-thing, though - he is very ‘Rupert’ indeed. Because there are far worse people in football (see last week’s column). Lowe has his sycophants in the press but he does give them something to work with. Yet the fact that he could be welcomed back to Southampton’s chair is the ultimate indictment of all who have been in charge since.

Since Lowe resigned in June 2006, “in the club’s best interests” (and not because his unpopularity and the value of his shares were rising equally fast), new, external, significant investment has been seen as the way forward for Saints. They missed out on immediate promotion after their 2005 relegation (both events under Lowe’s stewardship). So they will soon be bereft of the parachute payments relegated clubs receive in acknowledgement of the ludicrous financial disparity between levels one and two of English league football (only acknowledgement of the disparity, not its ludicrousness). And they’re desperate to avoid the fate of Leicester City and others when their parachutes failed.

Kia Joorabchian’s reported interest in Southampton in January was one of many which got stuck at ‘reported.’ “Wealthy Saints fans”, and former BBC chairmen, Gavyn Davies and Anthony Salz were ‘stand-out’ names on the long list of people connected with Saints takeover bids. Salz also had lengthy service in the City at the same firm of corporate lawyers, Freshfields Bruckhaus Deringer, which spawned current Newcastle chairman Chris Mort.

But his connection wasn’t ‘proven’ until he sat next to Saints’ then chairman Leon Crouch when Southampton played Palace at Selhurst Park. He’d already been connected to the vacant post of Saints PLC chairman – Southampton mismanaged by two seemingly interchangeable boards of directors. And he’d been part of a consortium, with Davies and a “hello, good evening and welcome” from Sir David Frost, which had previously shown an interest in the club. But it emerged that Salz was merely “using his vast City contacts” to put potential investors Crouch’s way. And whether through Salz’s vast contacts or not, a number of potential investors started coming Crouch’s way.

A financial stake in Britain’s cinemas and theatres briefly seemed a necessary prerequisite. Former Apollo Leisure Group owner Paul Gregg was linked to Saints in early February. But he’s been serially-linked to football clubs for years – Sheffield Wednesday fans could tell you a tale. And it soon transpired that he was merely introducing another ‘potential’ investor, Leicester Square Empire owner Tom Anderson.

Irishman Anderson was reportedly close to buying the 25% shareholding controlled, though not entirely owned, by Lowe. Lowe’s supporters are a compliant enough bunch to let him sell their shares as well as vote with them – if the meek ever do inherit the earth, they’ll be property billionaires. And the deal was being brokered by Tom McLaughlin, who’d been connected to Southampton’s 2007 world wild goose chasing record attempt, their pursuit of Microsoft co-owner Paul Allen’s mythical interest.

By the time the ‘Irish Post’ was trumpeting another meal for the Celtic Tiger – “Yet another Irish businessman is set to take control of a British football club”, making a grand total of…um…three – the non-story had moved back to Hampshire. “No takeover bid for Saints” ran the irony-free headline as Southampton-based barrister Jonathan Fulthorpe and local businessman John Cousins teamed-up to produce…”neither a firm nor an indicative offer,” alongside ex-Saints boss Dave Merrington, connected to the bid by his words, “no comment”.

It was a wonder we hadn’t seen statements issued announcing connections between the thigh bone and the knee bone. The whole farrago was expertly encapsulated by one Saints fan, writing on a local newspaper discussion forum, who’d heard “takeover rumours when I was driving along the M27…and then it happened…I was overtaken.” While another remarked: “If we had a point for every takeover story, we’d be safe.” Play-offs, more like.

But Crouch was unbowed. Just after Christmas, he was sure “the right investment deal can be found for Southampton within the next three to six months.” While just before Easter, he was equally confident that “we will get the investment Southampton needs hopefully within…six to nine months.” It’s not only tomorrow that never comes in the parallel universe Crouch inhabits. Little wonder “Bring Back Lowe” calls were becoming tinged with less irony.

Nevertheless, Lowe returning arm-in-arm with Michael Wilde, the figurehead of moves to oust him, was a bit weird. But Southampton’s problem isn’t only a lack of new investment; it’s also a lack of new people to spend it. Picking a Southampton board of directors, whether “PLC board” or “football board”, has resembled nothing more than picking sides for playground football. “I’ll have Andrew Cowen”, “I’ll have Patrick Trant” or Mary Corbett, Guy Askham, Michael Richards, with ex-FA chairman Keith Wiseman taking on the role of fat or smelly (or both) kid who couldn’t play and was always picked last. All with fascinating back stories. But for all the good they’ve done Southampton, just names.

Wilde stood down on discovering that a passing resemblance to Saints legend Mick Channon wouldn’t in itself attract new investment (imagine if he’d looked like Lawrie McMenemy…). Leon Crouch spilt someone’s pint last summer and was removed. Hedge-fund SISU tossed a coin to decide with whom to invest last December. It came down ‘Coventry’ and three more suits walked.

Then Crouch was forgiven for…whatever…and became chairman. But when he too found new investment more elusive than a sincere Ken Bates apology Lowe re-appeared to call an EGM and exact precise revenge on those who had ousted him (bar Wilde, of course).

Back to square one, except that in the interim, Southampton had swapped the top-six of the Championship for the bottom-six.

Lowe might be back, then, simply because it’s his turn – the EGM will probably be within a month…and not a Leon Crouch month either. Lowe and Wilde published ‘reasons’ for their attempted coup, which amounted to being not Leon Crouch. And their timing was deliberate, alongside Southampton’s half-yearly financial results to December 2007.

The midst of a relegation battle might not have been everybody’s choice for either event, especially results described as “scary” and “leading to fears that Southampton may go into administration” by Lowe’s press-pal, the Mail’s Charles Sale. Operating costs doubled income. And post-tax losses were £700,000, post-£9.1m transfer profit.

As ever, though, closer scrutiny muddied the picture. Southampton were still owed £6.4m transfer income, while pay-offs to departing executives after the SISU debacle were included. The well-publicised acceptance of less, but immediate money from Arsenal for Theo Walcott exposed financial worries – and made Crouch look as awkward as his Liverpool namesake on an off-day, having recently dismissed such reports. But the flaws in Lowe’s manifesto were glaring.

The Southern Echo had been rightly lambasted for sensationalist Saints coverage. Nonetheless sports editor Simon Carter produced an excellent dissection of the manifesto. Crouch’s regime was accused of not supporting manager George Burley, yet criticised for the “unsustainable wage bill” which resulted from supporting him. Financial madness to increase costs when income was falling. But it was Wilde’s regime which sanctioned £5m for players. And Burley himself can’t escape censure for his signings.

The Saints Academy, a tangible Lowe achievement, had ‘lost’ key staff and sold its best players. The latter, though, was partly the Academy’s point. And both were signs of its success, staff and players good enough for English football’s top-tier. Had Southampton been likewise, they may have stayed. However, they were relegated in 2005, under Lowe. And Walcott had been sold in 2006, under Lowe.

“Supporter gates” – Lowe still not fully au fait with football-jargon – had dropped “dramatically.” But that stemmed from relegation, too. Lowe himself presided over a 26% drop in his last two season.

And “failure to communicate with supporters”? Crouch’s more outlandish pronouncements were to fans’ forums. He often used the excuse: “Stock Exchange rules prevent us from talking about finances when we are in an offer period.” But they did – even if “offer period” attached unmerited credibility to the litany of takeover rumours. And no-one will need reminding, I’m sure, who put Saints on the Stock Market in the first place.

There’s little immediate hope for Southampton. Manager Nigel Pearson can avoid relegation if he can get under-achieving players to achieve (and rookie goalkeepers to drop crosses on centre-halves’ heads). Beating Bristol City wasn’t just down to the nerves afflicting Gary Johnson’s promotion-chasers. And the reality check of avoiding relegation – another step towards local derbies with…ulp…Eastleigh – at 4.50 on the final afternoon might get under-achieving directors to achieve.

Still, Rupert Lowe? Singling him out from this story’s cast-of-thousands would be unfair. But if Saints can’t do better than him…

‘MotorMurph’ is written by Mark Murphy

Entry Filed under: MotorMurph Column

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