ABOUT FOOTBALL

I’m writing about football this week. Not mismanagement or mis-managers. Football. Hope you enjoy it. Though North Londoners “may find some images disturbing.”

It’s a frightening (for me) twenty-one years since I first saw Spurs and Arsenal in a League (“Littlewoods”) Cup semi-final – a three-game epic, the emotional scars from which have barely healed in N17.

Twice, Arsenal were “one-nil down, two-one up”, according to the song, “that’s the way we won the cup” in 1971, beating Liverpool despite Bob Wilson’s temporary allergy to near-posts. And modern Arsenal naturally produced a more expansive version (“two-nil down, three-two up”) to beat Spurs in last year’s “Carling” Cup semi.

So when Arsenal went “one-nil down” at the Lane last week, I feared the usual. A fear magnified as the relief at Denilson’s injury (sorry, nothing personal) dissolved when Cesc bloody Fabregas warmed up. Oh bliss to be wrong.

During the eighties, Spurs had been better than Arsenal, briefly. Hard to envisage in colour, but true. Even Arsenal’s famous 5-0 at the Lane in 1978 (Mark Kendall at one post, Liam Brady’s shot flying inside the other) was avenged goal-for-goal in 1983.

By 1987, both teams were in the ascendant and would have challenged for European places if there’d been any, post-Heysel. Arsenal were even displaying title credentials – George Graham pulling them up by David Rocastle’s boot-strings, Martin Hayes briefly becoming Ted Drake.

Meanwhile, Clive Allen was breaking Greaves’ non-alcohol-related Tottenham records, spearheading a successful 4-5-1 formation under David “Chimbomba” Pleat (dear readers, he once had a clue).

Allen grabbed a hat-trick in Spurs’ 5-0 quarter-final replay rout of West Ham (leaving a not-so-happy Hammer work-colleague muttering, correctly: “2-0 would have been an injustice” all the way back to Seven Sisters). And, predictably, scored the Highbury first-leg’s only goal – landing flat on his back from some height in celebration, yards from the North Bank.

Spurs should have scored more – same as this year. Gus Caesar, an 80s Titus Bramble, floundered in Allen’s wake. And some Spurs fans departed the Clock End uneasy at 1-0 – they’d have turned into the “Highbury Library” at 1-1. But it was a perfect 21^st birthday for me, a dozen-games-a-season Lilywhite, seeing Spurs win at Highbury (the only time I’ve done so). Pity it ultimately mattered not a jot.

Having won at the Lane in the league (2-1, natch), Arsenal were still in it – if they could stop Allen. However, for much of the second-leg’s first-half…they couldn’t. It was only Allen 1 Arsenal 0 at half-time. Yet Arsenal were now long-odds against. Enter Spurs’ tannoy announcer.

Some say he earned a winners’ medal (Caesar’s, generally) after detailing Tottenham’s ticketing arrangements for the final…”SHOULD we get there.” He was merely reading from the programme – plus the “offending” words – alongside equivalent Arsenal arrangements. But a Gooner-friend re-iterates this tale about every fortnight (guess the text HE received last Tuesday) – Arsenal players and fans allegedly riled by the announcer’s presumptuousness.

But surely Viv Anderson’s equaliser was more influential? I mean, Viv ANDERSON?? And after Niall Quinn made it “one-nil down, two-one up”, Spurs clung on through 90, then 120, minutes. Gooners cheered, however, when Pleat won the toss for play-off home “advantage” (away goals?? Foreign muck).

The play-off was Allen v. Arsenal again. And, after two glaring misses, Allen went one-nil up again after half-time. Enter Spurs’ goalkeeper.

Whisper it, but Ray Clemence was rubbish for Spurs. From 1981’s Charity Shield to…here. Arsenal deserved to win. But Clemence’s re-make of Hampden Park 1976 – nutmegged by Dalglish for Scotland’s winner – caused the decisive goals. “One-nil down, two-one up.” Again. (At least Arsenal re-iterated the “one-nil down” line in the final, erasing “Liverpool never lose when Ian Rush scores” from football’s lexicon).

Subsequently, Arsenal have lorded it, winning about half a million trophies to Spurs’ two. I once even suggested every Arsenal player was better than every Spur. “Lineker’s better than Caesar,” my Gooner-mate graciously acknowledged.

Last year, Arsenal’s semi-final line-ups said it all about the different footballing planets the clubs inhabited – spelling trouble for football, with only five places separating them in the Premiership.

This year spelt J-U-A-N-D-E-R-A-M-O-S. Only sporting director Daniel Comnoli’s player-selection meddling (the prosecution resting Prince Boateng) maintains any astronomical gap.

Arsenal, however, have remained football’s worst losers – even without the painful Ashley Cole. Managing director Keith Edelman storming out twenty minutes from the end last week. Emanuel Adebayor echoing a nation’s thoughts – though not actions, the fool – telling Nicolas Bendtner “I’m only on ‘cos you’re shit.” Wenger one notch above claiming five lucky breakaway goals.

For Spurs, echoes of their 5-1 semi-final win over Chelsea in 2002, ushering in a reversal of fortunes against the Blues. No wins in 26 games beforehand, one-in-15 since…ah… AND Spurs were “Graham-Polled” in the final, the slick-haired serial-booker doing the “Mike Riley” (“no penalty”) late on.

Still, 5-1, eh?

WHICH NEEDS NO FURTHER COMMENT
Thurrock and Havant & Waterlooville brought forward their league game to ease Havant’s fixture congestion (seven games in three weeks). All protagonists – Thurrock, Blue Square League – were happy. Havant’s Justin Gregory was suspended for one match, so he couldn’t play at Anfield for, surely, the only time in his career.

No, repeat, NO rules were broken. A four-man FA “regulatory-commission” decided it was fixture-list manipulation.

They are poor humans. Hopefully one day, their dreams get crushed. Except they probably lack the heart to have dreams.

One side did break FA Cup rules at Anfield. Rule 15 (a): “Each team…shall represent (their) full available strength.” Liverpool fielded Leiva Lucas and Charles Itanje. Liverpool are in the Premier League.

Which needs no further comment.

On BBC1, at Mansfield’s FA Cup-tie, Carlton Palmer said: “Keith Haslam (Mansfield’s owner) has done a terrific job over the past 15 years and built a new stadium.”

In his match commentary Steve Wilson said: “The ground has only three sides. And a reduced capacity for safety reasons.”

Mansfield have never been lower in the Football League.

Stags fans said, in unison: “Carlton Palmer is a *****r.”

Which needs no further comment.

‘MotorMurph’ is written by Mark Murphy

Entry Filed under: MotorMurph Column

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