Add comment December 31st, 2007 The Right Result
Archive for December, 2007
CHELSEA v NEWCASTLE UNITED - Kalou-less
Saturday 29th December 2007
In a week when the offside law has become even more shrouded in controversy and confusion, the only mystery at Stamford Bridge was why a flag was not raised to deny Salomon Kalou Chelsea’s winning goal against under-fire Newcastle United. There were no ifs or buts about interfering or being active as, late in the game, the Ivory Coast striker illegally turned one Blue point into three.
The Right Result is a 1-1 draw.
EVERTON v ARSENAL - Ed and hands
Saturday 29th December 2007
It may not have been pretty, but Arsenal once again found the winning formula in a big win at Goodison Park. The Gunners received a notable helping hand with two goals from Eduardo – literally in the case of his second strike as he clearly brought the ball under control with his hand. In the world of the Right Result, Arsenal end the year trailing Manchester United on Goal Difference only.
The Right Result is a 3-1 win for Arsenal.
2 comments December 31st, 2007 The Right Result
TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR v READING - Reading reward
Saturday 29th December 2007
Another day, another Game of the Year contender and Reading justified in their claim that it was game that neither team deserved to lose. There are far worse faults but Spurs could stand accused of over-eagerness in the White Hart Lane goal bonanza. Robbie Keane was ever-so slightly too keen when he very marginally advanced into an offside position as he set-up the Hotspur opener. And, prior to netting Spurs’ fifth, Jermain Defoe’s enthusiasm got the better of him as he unmistakably encroached into the area before the taking of Keane’s missed penalty. A common misconception is that the penalty should have been retaken (and therefore assumed as a goal in Right Result rules) but Law 14 states that in such circumstances “the referee stops play and restarts the match with an indirect free-kick to the defending team, from the place where the infringement occurred”.
The Right Result is a 4-4 draw.
Add comment December 31st, 2007 The Right Result
THE MOTORMURPH AWARDS 2007
When it comes to coveted, the ‘Motormurphs’ will soon be alongside “thy neighbours ox.” Next year, you’ll see…
‘NORTHERN ROCK COULD HAVE USED HIM’ BUSINESSMAN AWARD: KEN BATES Bates needed 75% support from Leeds’ creditors for his ‘audacious’ (polite term) bid to buy the club out of the administration he’d put them in. Before the vote, ‘Mark Taylor and Company’ upped their claim from £59,756 to £273,615 – 213,859 votes at £1 per vote. This wasn’t invoiced because, Taylor said: “I knew I wouldn’t get paid.” Bates got 75.02%.
Taylor was/is Bates’s solicitor and his Leeds co-director. Bates-appointed administrators KPMG saw nothing wrong. So there was nothing wrong. OK?
‘SPARE PRICK AT A WEDDING’ AWARD: RED AND WHITE HOLDINGS Despite Grandtop International’s late run at Birmingham City (“Glad to be largest shareholder and satisfied with the team’s performance” they said, correctly but irrelevantly), Alisher Usmanov’s Arsenal ‘investment vehicle’ has the smallest raison d’etre. Its chairman’s diary isn’t stuffed with meetings…so…
‘DERBY COUNTY AWAY’ LOSER AWARD: DAVID DEIN An Arsenal fan with an achievement list longer than a) Hiring Arsene Wenger, b)…er…, c)…that’s it…whatever chairman Peter Hill-Wood says. But Dein has always been his own priority. So the £75m he got for his Arsenal shares assuaged any parting sorrow. Wish I could lose like David Dein.
’20 YEARS LATE BUT STILL WELCOME’ RETIREMENT AWARD: GRAHAM POLL Would have pipped John Terry to the referees’ award BY retiring. Now disappeared from public view, Poll’s forays into park refereeing (his natural level) only get double-page spreads in the nationals – his no-publicity pleas only ONE page. And the game suffers from his absence…how?
‘MAKE RUGBY LOOK GOOD’ OVER-HYPE AWARD: THE CARLING CUP FINAL ‘BRAWL’ Some players got angry. None got hurt – bar Wayne ‘Chelsea got the three points’ Bridge’s clearly damaging whack on the head. A non-event. Journalism’s equivalent, the Telegraph’s Sue Mott compared this “disfigurement” to rugby’s “heroic nobility” – a day after an Italian rugby player’s STAMP on a Scots opponent’s HEAD was criticised merely for costing Italy a simple penalty-kick. Stinking hypocrisy.
‘ENGLISH IS BEST, EVEN WHEN PORTUGUESE’ FALLACY AWARD: CRISTIANO RONALDO IS THE WORLD’S BEST FOOTBALLER Sometimes, you can believe it – even when he does that trailing leg thing…wotsitcalled?…oh yes…’cheating.’ But how many Ronaldo cheerleaders watch Serie A (Kaka) or La Liga (Messi) regularly? Or is the formula: “Ronaldo is the Premier League’s best, the Premier League is the world’s best, ergo…? Those supposedly in the know plump for Kaka. Yet, in a debate over a Portuguese and two South Americans, we still go for the ‘Englishman.’
‘CHRISTINE OHURUOGU’ NOT A CHEAT AWARD: WEST HAM UNITED No-one denies West ham’s cheating, bar the odious Richard Scudamore. But only subsequently has their proper punishment emerged. They – not Sheffield United – should have had Bryan Robson as manager. London derbies against Crystal Palace (Leyton Orient?) would have beckoned soon enough.
‘MICHAEL KNIGHTON’ IN OVER YOUR HEAD AWARD: TOM HICKS AND GEORGE GILLETT JUNIOR After breaking every promise they made to Liverpool fans, Anfield’s Statler and Waldorf could only embarrass themselves more by juggling a football towards the Kop like Knighton did towards the Stretford End before his abortive 1989 Man Yoo takeover. Hicks and Gillett CAN pay for their promises. They just won’t. Of all the multi-millionaire owners, only Mohamed Fayed has put ‘his’ money into ‘his’ club (ignoring Thaksin’s murky finances). And if Fayed is a group’s most reputable member…
‘MARK LAWRENSON’S’ BEST PUB TEAM AWARD: (NO, NOT ENGLAND) THE DOG AND DUCK Lawro’s faux working-class description of all poor sides (centre-forward ‘Crikey O’Reilly’), Estonia ad nauseum – tactical analysis and, y’know, information clearly beyond the northern git (Irish? Ha!). Losing 3-0 at Wembley was a cracking result, then. Didn’t look so good after the Croatia game, though.
‘CELTIC AVOID RANGERS’ NOT AT ALL FIXED CUP DRAW AWARD: THE CARLING CUP QUARTERS AND SEMIS Four north-western quarter-finalists, four London. Yet no derby drawn out until the twice-as-lucrative two-legged semis. Funny, that. Was it just me assuming the two draws were done together and assuming Arsenal would play Spurs after Blackburn were beaten? Even Spoony on Radio Five Live had to feign surprise when the semi-final draw was ‘announced’ the following day.
‘ARSENE WENGER’ BAD MANNERS AWARD: THE DAVIDS: GOLD AND SULLIVAN There’s something inherently dislikeable about Birmingham’s major boardroom players. Sullivan’s porn. Gold’s sneering, smug rich-bastardness. Carson Yeung, potential bidder for the club, has a football history which doesn’t lend itself to affection, either - his Steve Bruce treatment typically reprehensible. But when Yeung offered a congratulatory hand after one Birmingham home win, they couldn’t even summon the good grace to shake it. Pathetic.
‘STEVE McCLAREN’ INAPPROPRIATE APPOINTMENT AWARD: JEROME VALCKE AS FIFA GENERAL SECRETARY Valcke was ousted as FIFA’s marketing chief after his lies to clients cost them $145m. His punishment? World football’s second-most powerful job. What had Valcke done for boss, FIFA President Joseph Blatter? Did he have the proverbial negatives?? The latter, apparently. Letters have ‘emerged’ about Valcke’s threats to damage ‘individuals at FIFA’ with inside knowledge he’d gleaned from involvement with the organisation in 2001. Check press for details…and you’ll be disappointed. Not with a World Cup bid on.
‘JOEY BARTON’ WHY KEEP DOING IT? AWARD: EVERY ASHLEY COLE IQ-A-LIKE TACKLER USING OPPONENTS’ LEGS AS A LONG-JUMP PIT Two-footed tackles are premeditated and brainless. In the 1970s professional fouls became automatic sendings-off. And, after a spate of dismissals, players learnt their lesson. Players evidently learn slower these days.
‘SAMMY LEE’ OUT-OF-HIS-DEPTH AS MANAGER AWARD: SAMMY LEE…out of his depth as Bolton manager.
‘DONE BY WORK-EXPERIENCE GUY UN-INTERESTED IN FOOTBALL’ RESEARCH AWARD: EUROSPORT…who were stuck for comment when Tottenham drew Slavia in the UEFA Cup. If only Tottenham had played them in last year’s competition…
‘ALAN GREEN’ FOOTBALL’S A GREAT GAME, DESPITE… AWARD: JOINTLY TO: BATES, BLATTER, HAMMAM, REDKNAPP, ALLARDYCE, KEITH HASLAM (see next week’s column) AND MANY, MANY MORE for whom, hopefully, chickens will come home to roost in 2008.
BTW: David Pleat? It’s Paschal ChimboNDA, not Chimbomba.
Happy New Year!
Add comment December 30th, 2007 The Right Result
A CHRISTMAS FAIRY TALE…or two
I knew 1000 words wouldn’t suffice. Those still awake after last week’s column will remember Cardiff City allegedly owe ‘Langston’ £24m, plus interest. But only ex-owner Sam Hammam, who borrowed the money in the first place, knows who Langston are…and he ain’t saying. So it has been since August. Court proceedings, oft-postponed by Langston, are due in March (if only I’d kept it to that last week).
Last week, Hammam responded to pleas from South Wales Echo’s Terry Phillips – in the friendliest terms – to f*** off and stay away forever. I knew he would. It happened to me when Hammam was, unbeknown at the time, screwing Wimbledon for all he could….
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Add comment December 30th, 2007 The Right Result
CHELSEA v ASTON VILLA - Villa denied in thriller
Wednesday 26th December 2007
It’s been dubbed the Game of the Year and certainly the Boxing Day clash between Chelsea and Aston Villa was a belated Christmas present for the 41,686 who were lucky enough to be at Stamford Bridge. It was a game that neither team deserved to lose but, we believe, Villa should have returned to the Midlands without any reward.Shaun Maloney started the goal-fest after 14 minutes but it should not have counted as he was supplied by John Carew who was marginally offside for the incoming cross.
The Right Result is a 4-3 win for Chelsea.
4 comments December 27th, 2007 The Right Result
EVERTON v BOLTON WANDERERS - Toffees on top
Wednesday 26th December 2007
Following their narrow defeat at Manchester United, Everton resumed their fine recent form with a comfortable win against Bolton Wanderers at Goodison Park.David Moyes’ team had to wait until the second-half before they advanced in to the lead, but they should have been ahead before the interval. Ayegbeni Yakubu had a valid goal disallowed for offside as he was onside while Tim Cahill, in the alleged offside position, was not active.
The Right Result is a 3-0 win for Everton.
1 comment December 27th, 2007 The Right Result
TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR v FULHAM - No consolation for Fulham
Wednesday 26th December 2007
It’s not been a particularly happy Christmas for Fulham with a Boxing Day drubbing at Tottenham Hotspur bringing little to cheer the Cottagers. Caretaker manager Ray Lewington’s hopes of clinching the post on a permanent basis were blown away with the five-goal demolition at White Hart Lane. And, in our view, there was no consolation for Fulham as their goal was guided into the Spurs net by Clint Dempsey’s arm.
The Right Result is a 5-0 win for Tottenham Hotspur.
Add comment December 27th, 2007 The Right Result
NEWCASTLE UNITED v DERBY COUNTY - Mears setback
Sunday 23rd December 2007
Having given beleaguered Derby County some hope by correcting their result to a draw with Middlesbrough last week, we now dash those hopes by taking away the Rams’ hard-earned point at Newcastle United. After County took an early lead at St James’ Park, United should have been a chance to level from the penalty-spot when Tyrone Mears barged into the back of Alan Smith. Mears came close to redeeming himself late in the game when he went to ground in the area but his lack of an appeal for a vital penalty appeared to confirm that it was a case of lost footing rather than any foul play.
The Right Result is a 3-2 win for Newcastle United.
1 comment December 24th, 2007 The Right Result
BOLTON WANDERERS v BIRMINGHAM CITY - Wanderers wonderland
Saturday 22nd December 2007
Bolton Wanderers’ tremendous revival under Gary Megson continued with a comfortable win against Birmingham City at the Reebok Stadium.And it should have been even more emphatic as, with the scoresheet still blank, Kevin Nolan had a ‘goal’ incorrectly ruled out for offside. The wandering midfielder was clearly in an onside position when the free-kick was taken and, although there were numerous attempts to get a head on to the cross, nobody had got a touch on the ball before it reached Nolan at the far post.
The Right Result is a 4-0 win for Bolton Wanderers.
Add comment December 24th, 2007 The Right Result
