CHERRIES, HATTERS AND MILLERS

Some say the top four in the “world’s greatest league” should breakaway and play with themselves all season…at least I think that’s what those gestures meant. Others say the Football League is test-driving this scenario in reverse by deducting 64 points from Luton, Bournemouth and Rotherham.

Their tales have had deceit, greed, financial and administrative stupidity, complete injustice…and the answer to the fundamental question: “Whatever happened to the Chuckle Brothers?” All of which has produced a mini-league, with league status for the champions.

Luton got most publicity and lost most points. They’ve been in administration forever, it seems, hence the 20-point deduction for failing to reach agreement over debt repayment, the ‘company voluntary arrangement’ (CVA). ‘CVA’ is fast-becoming football’s best-known acronym and the league clearly believes that Luton should have got one right by now.

‘LTFC 2020′, the supporters consortium which now owns Luton, say they are being punished for historical misdemeanours and they are playing the “innocent fans’ suffering” card. This card has, ironically, only EVER worked for West Ham during what it’s not yet legal to call the “West Ham cheated but they’re Premier League so it’s OK” affair.

LTFC 2020 has effectively applied to join League Two in place of the ‘existing’ club. To argue that they should be permitted to do so unencumbered is like arguing that MK Dons were rightly allowed to take Wimbledon’s league place without sanction – and I don’t suppose many Luton fans did that. LTFC 2020 also portrays itself as club ‘custodian.’ But custody means you get the lot, warts, points deductions and all and the deduction for not exiting administration properly is consistent, 20 rather than 15 because, as the League noted, “this is their third insolvency event in…ten years” (makes them sound like the Badminton Horse Trials).

By accident or design, Luton’s two punishments have merged in people’s minds. However, while the 20-points is about right, 10 points for the dodgy dealings of ex-chairman Bill Tomlins and others is wrong enough to be, in legalese, ‘perverse.’

Tomlins’ misdemeanours were designed to hide payments to agents that would have made then-manager Mike Newell’s head explode. They were channeled through his company, Jayten Ltd – formed to deal with Luton’s relocation to land near the M1’s Junction 10 (J10 – geddit?).

Some payments weren’t in themselves illegal. Others, to unlicensed agents including something called Skylet Andrew and Hatters’ legend Ricky Hill, amounted to a mere £160,000.

Tomlins and other Luton directors were fined and/or banned from football - the club themselves fined £50,000. So far, so fair. But to suggest that Luton somehow benefited by ten points as a result is rubbish. I’d love to see the evidence that it did but I suspect I’d be looking at a blank sheet of paper.

It was shocking reward for the honesty of Hatters’ club secretary and long-time good-egg Cherry Newberry, who told the authorities what was going on and saw her club made an example of in return. She, and others like her, would be forgiven for thinking: “I won’t do that again.”

It’s especially galling for Luton because the sanctions on Bournemouth and Rotherham have reeked of common sense. Both have ‘insolvency event’ histories, hence their 17-point deductions, splitting the difference between three-timers Luton and first-timers Leeds.

Some Leeds fans still insist their club was ‘picked on’ by the league. The “let’s see what hey do to other clubs” brigade (commander-in-chief: K. Bates esq) claiming that other clubs would avoid punishment. Hopefully, they’ll shut up now…and hopefully Bates wil…no, I’ll stop there.

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GOLD

If you remember the 2004 Olympic football tournament at all, it will probably be a recollection that “just-liberated” Iraq (ho-ho) did OK. With no British team since the 1972 qualifiers (or at the Games themselves since 1960) – our media has largely ignored the event.

These are more enlightened times, though. With the success of the home nations-less Euro 2008 coverage still vivid in the mind’s eye, the football got peak-time coverage, albeit peak-time on BBC3, and extensive interactive coverage. BBC1 even showed the men’s gold medal match (i.e. the final) live, though admittedly there was little else to show at five in the morning. It was largely worth it.

In South America especially, Olympic football is as vital as Olympic anything else. It is essentially a superannuated under-23 World Cup and with star players maturing ever younger, it’s a top-level international tournament. Or so you’d think.

Surprisingly, it isn’t even ON the international football calendar. Hence the palaver at the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) which ruled that clubs were not obliged to release players, a clear issue with the Champions League already in full swing.

Liverpool were one of the clubs worst ‘hit’, with Javier Mascherano, Ryan Babel and Lucas Leiva in Beijing while team-mates floundered in Liege. Yet Premier League clubs, for once, were the good guys, taking the ‘hits’ for the Olympic cause - how Blackburn have survived without Ryan Nelson is anybody’s guess. Barcelona, Schalke 04 and Werder Bremen went to the CAS and won – although players already with their squads played anyway and frankly only Lionel Messi proved worth arguing over.

The Premier League was probably only mindful of the need to look Olympic-spirited pre-London 2012 but it was nice to see, anyway.

The club/country debate wasn’t an Olympic one while the Games were exclusively amateur. Olympic football was officially amateur until 1984 and the eligibility rules which could have ignited the debate are more recent still.

Olympic football celebrated its ‘tournament’ centenary this year – there was football AT the 1900 and 1904 Games but ‘Upton Park FC’ won in 1900, which is surely sufficient comment.

Great Britain won in 1908, which was almost inevitable as (a) they were at home and (b) the ‘world’ had barely started playing. And it was a small ‘world.’ France fielded two teams although they could have fielded both at the same time against Denmark and still probably lost. ‘Denmark 17 France ‘A’ 1’ was no semi-final score for a credible tournament. 1912 was scarcely better; the top-three stayed the same, although at least ‘Germany 16 Russia 0’ wasn’t a semi.

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WIGAN ATHLETIC v CHELSEA - Petr is Latics Cech mate

Sunday 24 August 2008

Many observers felt Chelsea were fortunate to maintain their 100% start to the season after a below-par performance at Wigan Athletic. Indeed, but for referee Alan Wiley not spotting keeper Petr Cech’s blatant push on Emmerson Boyce from a Latics corner in the first-half, the home team should have earned the point their spirited efforts deserved.

The Right Result is a 1-1 draw.

MANCHESTER CITY v WEST HAM UNITED - Lucas’ head start

Sunday 24 August 2008

Right Result regular Lucas Neill is soon back in action in 2008-09. Last season’s joint-most penalised player alongside Liverpool’s Jamie Carragher is off to a flyer after trying to head away a corner with his hands late in the first-half of West Ham United’s heavy defeat at Manchester City.

The Right Result is a 4-0 win to Manchester City.

MIDDLESBROUGH v TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR - Boro. Respect.

Saturday 16 August 2008

The opening day fixtures saw the start of the new Respect campaign and full marks to Middlesbrough for their calm reaction to David Wheater having a seemingly valid goal disallowed. The big defender nearly had the shirt taken off his back by Spurs counterpart Michael Dawson yet it was Wheater who was deemed to be in the wrong. Justice appeared to be done in the second-half as he opened the scoring as Boro gained an impressive first day victory.

The Right Result is a 3-1 win to Middlesbrough.

EVERTON v BLACKBURN ROVERS - Toffees on top, again

Saturday 16 August 2008

Along with Fulham, Everton finished top of our Winners & Losers table last season having had an additional seven points awarded by the Right Result judgements last season. And the Toffees are the early leaders in 2008-09 as they should have come out of their opener with Blackburn Rovers with a draw. Even Rovers old boy Alan Shearer admitted he had a little bit of sympathy for David Moyes boys as visiting defender Ryan Nelsen was shown to be clearly offside from the free-kick that he headed on to create Rovers last-gasp winner.

The Right Result is a 2-2 draw.

THE MONEY PROGRAMME

Many years ago, Ben Elton was funny. No, really. But he’d often have difficulty coming up with topical political material for Channel Four’s weekly ‘Friday Night Live’ programme. Then, salvation: “Edwina Currie opens her mouth.” Football writers must feel the same about Richard Scudamore.

In Scoo’s latest Premier League (PL) paean, in the ‘Observer’, he was such an irony-free zone that you wonder why American club owners want him replaced with one of their own.

The “all-English” Champions League final was “testament to the strength of the PL”, rather than testament to the rule change which made such an event impossible until 1998. PL clubs are “financially strong” when Fulham and West Ham are a relegation away from near-oblivion, when their collective debt is over TWO BILLION POUNDS and collective pre-tax losses were FIFTY MILLION POUNDS last year.

And, best of all, “Every pound earned centrally has a redistributive effect (which) makes it imperative that we act on a league-wide basis…against short-term factors (which) mean a small group of clubs seek to alter the dynamics of the league.” You couldn’t get a more cogent argument against the PL’s very formation in 1992.

He then lectures on “sustainable and responsible” behaviour. How billions of collective debt and evermore £100,000-per-week players is “sustainable and responsible” isn’t clear. A newspaper recently reported a rock star blowing £150,000 on cocaine over three years – a week’s wages to Frank Lampard. About which are we supposed to be more horrified?

It all knocked Chelsea’s Peter Kenyon and his “our rivals should get their houses in order” call off the top of the “Did he say that out loud?” charts. And it comfortably over-hauled Ronaldo’s ‘slavery’ nonsense & every word that comes from the mouth of Blatter.

The latter two can be disregarded. Ronaldo’s a brat and Blatter’s problems aren’t yet legally safe to detail. Kenyon, though, is chief executive of a club for whom £77m losses are an improvement…and he’s lecturing clubs on orderly houses? How can he NOT see his crass stupidity? And this warped outlook comes from someone with considerable financial responsibilities. Why does he still have those responsibilities?

The PL is all about money like the Iraq war is all about oil. But when the Indie’s Mark Steel wrote “club chairmen should declare how rich they are and the league table should be based on the results”, you could almost see Kenyon nodding approvingly before letting out an unconvincing “oh, very funny.”

The PL’s moral bankruptcy was highlighted by the case of Mark Clattenburg, the unfeasibly old-looking 33-year-old referee. A £60,000 debt pre-dating his refereeing career emerged recently. Ex-business associate John Hepworth demanded the money after Clattenburg’s electrical retail company went bust.

Clattenburg was suspended as he was contractually obliged to declare this to refereeing body Professional Group Match Officials (PGMO). Should the situation not impinge on Clattenburg’s refereeing, the suspension will be lifted. This may take time but football’s integrity will remain intact throughout.

Contrast this with the PL’s attitude to Manchester City owner Thaksin Shinawatra. Thaksin is currently on the run from the Thai authorities. Rather than face corruption charges – entirely separate and, some argue, more clear-cut than the human rights concerns expressed when he bought City – Thaksin fled to Britain.

Yet despite these charges, his frozen assets in Thailand, his wife’s conviction for tax evasion and three of his lawyers being convicted of trying to bribe a judge with cash in a cake box (classy), he remains ‘fit and proper’ to run City.

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