WIGAN ATHLETIC v MANCHESTER CITY - Richard done

Sunday 28 September 2008

Controversy reigned at the JJB Stadium as Wigan Athletic prevailed against Manchester City via a penalty gained with an overly threatrical fall by Wilson Palacios. However, evidence suggested that there was some contact so the Right Result spotlight is turned to the other end of the pitch. With City 1-2 behind just before the break, centre-back Richard Dunne was tripped in the area by Emile Heskey. Strangely, despite the absence of any other obvious offence, referee Steve Bennett awarded a free-kick to the Latics when it should have been a City penalty.

The Right Result is a 2-2 draw.

PORTSMOUTH v TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR - Bad day for Juande

Sunday 28 September 2008

Tottenham Hotspur slumped to their worst start to a season in over 50 years with defeat at Portsmouth, yet a key decision went against them to deny a possible positive spark to their troubled campaign. Only trailing by a single goal in the second-half, Juande Ramos’s Spurs should have been awarded a penalty when Aaron Lennon’s dangerous cross was halted by Lassana Diarra’s outstretched arm. It’s the second Premier League game in a row that the Right Result panel has awarded a penalty to the visitors to Fratton Park.

The Right Result is a 2-1 win to Portsmouth.

MANCHESTER UNITED v BOLTON WANDERERS - Doing it in Styles

Saturday 27 September 2008

A week after the goal that wasn’t at Watford, it’s the penalty that wasn’t at Old Trafford. To the amazement of everyone - even Sir Alex Ferguson - ref Rob Styles awarded a penalty to Manchester United for a perfectly-timed tackle by Bolton Wanderers’ JLloyd Samuel on Cristiano Ronaldo.

The Right Result is a 1-0 win to Manchester United.

NEWCASTLE UNITED v BLACKBURN ROVERS - Crazier, yet crazier

Saturday 27 September 2008

Just when you thought you’d seen everything at St James Park, Newcastle United go and lose a game they should have won. On the day that Joe Kinnear made his unlikely arrival on Tyneside, the Toon slipped to another defeat. Except, two incidents could have changed a 1-2 defeat into a 2-1 win. Firstly, Christopher Samba’s opening goal should have been disallowed for offside so maintaining Blackburn Rovers’ 100% record of a Right Result ruling in each of their away games this season.Then, in the second-half, Newcastle should have had a second penalty when Rovers defender Martin Olsson leapt high to handle a Toon cross.

The Right Result is a 2-1 win to Newcastle United.

PANEL BEATING

Compare and contrast their views: “I repeated my call that Dave Richards and Richard Scudamore should stand down,” said Wigan chairman Dave Whelan, in reaction to the news of Sheffield United’s tribunal success. “I’ve always thought the chairman should resign. Richard Scudamore has always backed him but I don’t think Richard should carry the can,” said…er…Dave Whelan. Apparently.

There are countless other dangers in commenting on Independent Tribunals without sight of the full judgment (indeed, there’s dangers in commenting on the Tevez findings, since they suddenly disappeared from the Mail’s website on Friday night). However expansive was the reporting of the arbitration between Leeds and the Football League in May over the club’s 15-point deduction, the misguided nature of Leeds’ appeal was only fully revealed on reading the actual report (and reading how wrong Ken Bates was beats anti-depressants any day).

But we can surmise from what the Mail, that bastion of social justice, has snuck into the public domain that the Tevez tribunal has applied some very human, instinctive criteria to their judgments.

Ive written before, there are some things in football you ‘just know’ without having the remotest chance of proving them ‘beyond reasonable doubt’ in a court.

Leeds again – the busy work load of Astor Investment Holdings, the British Virgin Islands-registered company that wrote off the £18m Leeds ‘owed’ it on condition that Bates bought the club out of administration. FIFA’s General Secretary recruitment policy – how a head of marketing could cost the organisation tens of millions of pounds and land world football’s number two job six months later. How some managers spend £23m on summer transfers, then declare “we’ve got no pace” after an opening day thrashing and still be ‘unlucky’ not to be England manager…and how Carlos Tevez kept West Ham in the Premier League with his displays in the last quarter of the 2006/07 season.

When West Ham cited “the significant efforts of our entire playing squad…during the duration of the season” it surely wasn’t just me who thought ‘Charlton and Reading away.’ Quantifying Tevez’s contribution to their 41 points is no more scientific than quantifying the officials’ contribution to their three points at Blackburn, the first game to fall under the Tribunal’s scrutiny. This very web-site is based on similar inexactitudes – every refereeing decision has an effect on immediately subsequent events.

Yet you ‘just know’ that even Tevez’s displays after West Ham’s last and loudest lies – the season’s last three games – made the difference. Not particularly at Old Trafford – Man Yoo were already demob-happy champions & without Tevez the game ‘had 0-0 written all over it.’ Nor the win over Bolton – Sammy Lee was Bolton boss…which needs no further comment. But the win at Wigan was all Tevez, on and off the pitch - his display and the well-founded, as we now know, incredulity that he could play (Jonathan Pearce’s BBC match preview contained indignation so high-pitched only dogs could hear it).

The strong journalistic consensus was ‘Tevez kept them up.’ The Tribunal report cited Gary Lineker but could have cited real journalists too. It mentioned the Telegraph’s Henry Winter. But they could have mentioned the Indie’s Sam Wallace: “Tevez saved West Ham from the dreaded drop.” Or the BBC web-site’s Phil McNulty: “Make no mistake, West Ham would have gone down without Tevez.” Mind you, what do journalists know? They can’t even agree if Dave Whelan wants Scudamore to resign.

Whilst firmly believing justice is about to be done, my unease has grown as commentators have started picking holes in what they think was Sheffield United’s case and highlighted the dangers of basing tribunal judgments on hypotheses. The Premier League should be liable, say some. Sheffield United’s late-season form was as rubbish as West Ham’s was great. Tevez himself was rubbish until mid-February. In legalese, all ‘reasonable doubts.’ Then I read the report.

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BOLTON WANDERERS v ARSENAL - 83 and counting

Saturday 20 September 2008

As they moved to the top of the Premier League with a fine win at Bolton Wanderers, Emmanuel Eboue scored his first goal in 83 domestic apperances for Arsenal - or did he? The Ivory Coast defender appeared to have broken his Gunners duck with their equaliser at the Reebok Stadium. However, replays subsequently showed that Manu had strayed offside - by a distance of 66cms, no less!

The Right Result is a 2-1 win to Arsenal.

Additional note:

Liverpool’s disallowed goal after 76 seconds against Stoke City has been the subject of much debate and, having reviewed the incident, the panel believe that referee Andre Marriner was justified in his decision. Fernando Torres was shown to be in an offside position. As he was directly in the path of the flight of the ball and Stoke keeper Thomas Sorensen - in the referee’s opinion - he could deceive or distract. In accordance with Law 11, that means he causes an offside offence by interfering with an opponent.

(YOU ARE) WELCOME TO THE FUTURE

Disturbing thoughts occurred as I waded through tales of Manchester City scooters and ‘Virgins of Asia.’ And they re-occurred as I examined Mike Ashley’s impassioned and grammatically upsetting ‘club-for-sale’ statement…or, to give it it’s full title ‘club-for-sale-but-at-such-a-high-price-that-nobody-will-buy-it-still-at-least-it-keeps-the-fans-off-my-back-for-a-bit’…er…statement.

What if City’s branding made economic sense and they were actually one step ahead of everyone, even Manchester United, in football’s new world order? What if Newcastle United’s directorship and young player-recruitment policy made economic sense at another level and the problem was only Dennis Wise?

Executive chairman Garry Cook’s re-branding proposals could be an effective way of making Abu Dhabi’s City more popular than Dubai’s Liverpool/Everton/whoever. Tony Jimenez’s recruitment strategy could unearth cheap, young talent a la Arsene Wenger, whose side, built on similar lines, would have been champions last year if they’d held on at Birmingham (I’m surprised more football journos haven’t made the latter point – the Express’s Mick Dennis did, but only in the far south-eastern corner of a recent column).

I’d like to be objective about Newcastle, which currently makes me a weirdo. And I’d sleep easier knowing that Garry Cook was a delusional arsehole. So, what if…?

First, City. And I mean ‘City.’ It’s been overlooked that their re-branding is designed to make them the City in the way that we’ve allowed ourselves to mean Manchester United when we say United. Cook’s ‘New Model for Partnership in Football’ may have been written before the Arabs arrived but, co-incidentally or no, it’s the sort of psycho-babbly claptrap that would have appealed to the now-sidelined spokesman Dr Sulaiman Al-Fahim, whose doctorate is clearly in psycho-babble, if references to ‘mechanico-rationalism’ on his company’s web-site are a guide.

In current domestic footballing contexts, Cook’s schemes are easily dismissed. Experts cite club rivalry as limiting potential markets for branded-merchandise ranging from food to fashion. CR Smith sponsored Celtic AND Rangers to avoid halving their customer base at the stroke of a pen. Vodafone’s call centre 400 yards from Leeds United’s Elland Road ground was often attacked when they were Manchester United sponsors – days when Leeds’ rivals were Manchester United not Carlisle United.

And unless there’s a(nother) Mod revival in the offing, branded scooters seem as much non-starters as Vespas/Lambrettas on winter mornings. Club-branded financial services are already up-and-running among ‘bigger’ clubs but were hard sells in better economic times than we’ll see for a while. And branded fast-food outlets and training fitness schemes appear self-defeating.

But this ignores the world in which Cook’s imagination resides. Sports marketers note that without on-field success these grandiose schemes will fail. But if they banned releg…ah, hang on… This is where Cook’s beloved ‘central entity’ of 10-14 elite clubs comes into its own. In this sense, branding makes sense.

The brand is ‘City’ with little or no mention of Manchester, thereby ridding the scheme of sectarianism at the literal stroke of a pen (which will hardly please the Manchester authorities who virtually gifted Eastlands to the club). And the target market isn’t domestic at alll.

If Liverpudlians are averse, it won’t matter. There are a billion Chinese and a billion more Indians apparently gagging for ‘City Powered’ soft drinks (pictures of Paul Power on the can? No??). The ‘partnerships’ in Cook’s new model army are with China Mobile and Mumbai-based ‘multinational conglomerate Tata. Manchester, Leeds and Liverpool probably “all look the same” from that many thousands of miles away.

The document’s diverting claim is that ‘City’ will become the ‘Virgin of Asia and the world’, although presumably the ‘Virgin of the world’ is currently…er…’Virgin.’ But the analogy is inexact and criticisms on that basis are irrelevant – it’s a handy headline, nothing more. The strategy’s flaws lie elsewhere, not least in regurgitating the myth of a captive Chinese market.

India is a different matter, forecast to be the world’s most populous country long before Cook’s ‘central entity’ sees the light of day, and ‘City’s’ potential competitors have yet to make as strong a push for South Asia as they have for North Asia.

But Cook is ultimately undermined by his willingness to sacrifice too much of what underpins successful competitive football. The aspirational value of promotion, the vitality of history and tradition. New histories and traditions can be formed, of course. Football only started in 1992…for example. But ‘brands’ will quickly become victims of their own success. “If it doesn’t matter which ‘City’, why not make it a city we can get to on our ‘City’ scooters?” these new fans will say. Leaving ‘global’ domination as distant as ever.

So, Cook is a delusional arsehole after all. Phew!

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MORE FUN AND FROLICS IN THE FOOTBALL LEAGUE

If fans across Britain were surprised by the speed of Manchester City’s takeover – five weeks from first contact to completing due diligence – fans in Norwich and half of Sheffield will have emitted a collective “what the…?” as their takeovers drag on…and on…

Lancashire businessman Geoff Sheard – blessed with the sort of inter-planetary baldness only seen in later Star Treks…on women – has been “days” from taking over Sheffield Wednesday for months (“End game at Wednesday” suggested one April headline). And he’s only the latest member of a cast including Carson Yeung, Ken bloody Bates (pre-Leeds, yes, THAT long ago) and compulsory baddie, long-time chairman Dave Allen (categorically NOT the comic). Oh…and Alan Shearer, although that might have come from an over-zealous rumour-monger who couldn’t spell Sheard.

Blame has rested on the 1,000-strong ‘Wednesdayite’ supporters’ trust, whom own 10% of club shares, and a labyrinthine share-ownership structure which seems to encompass the whole Sheffield telephone directory, with Sheard phoning them one-by-one, off-peak to save money.

Sheard has been criticised for approaching shareholders directly and individually, including ex-board members Allen, Keith Addy and Geoff Hulley who own 30% collectively. Financial advisors Deloitte and Touche, hired by Wednesday to facilitate a takeover, have been by-passed…as have their invoices, hence their Sheard criticism. But Sheard is only a frontman for more ‘mystery’ investors.

Like Derby, and Manchester City initially, the ‘real’ investors’ identities are elusive. Their nationalities - one British, one German – aren’t as exotic as early rumours of Swiss-based trusts and financial ‘muscle’ from Russian businessman Vladimir Yevtuschenko promised. Wednesday rightly demand proof of funding before doing any deal. Such ‘mystery’ doesn’t help.

Wednesdayite have attached such conditions to their agreement-in-principle to sell their shareholding to Sheard’s consortium, provided Sheard buys Allen’s, Addy’s and Hulley’s holdings too. But ‘Wednesdayite’ aren’t over-popular among Wednesdayites in general. Although recent decisions have been common sense itself, the then ‘Owls Trust’ provided the antithesis of common sense in 2004. A battle for club control ensued between Allen and Bates, newly-enriched by Abramovich’s Chelsea takeover. The Trust backed…Bates. (no wonder they changed their name). Allen has held an unhelpful grudge ever since. But who wouldn’t?

Allen’s frustration was compounded by countless missed opportunities for the sort of outside investment he’s long believed crucial to Wednesday’s future – especially the bit that’s £25m+ in debt. Since Bates, they’ve courted Birmingham’s favourite Chinaman Carson Yeung, the part-owners of Hartlepool, an ‘Irish group’ that might as well have been The Batchelors for all the progress made, takeover saga-regular Paul Gregg…and a bloke called Martin Edwards, who turned out to be…a bloke called Martin Edwards - in his own words, “about £200m behind” the former Old Trafford supremo.

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MANCHESTER CITY v CHELSEA - Business as usual

Saturday 13 September 2008

It was billed as the Clash of the Cash or War of the Wads, but it was business as usual as in-form Chelsea eased to victory at Manchester City. And it could have been worse for the new rich kids on the Premier League block as the visitors were denied a valid penalty when Micah Richards pushed Nicolas Anelka.

The Right Result is a 4-1 win to Chelsea.

PORTSMOUTH v MIDDLESBROUGH - The young one

Saturday 13 September 2008

In only his second top-flight game, Stuart Attwell - the Premier League’s youngest-ever referee - has entered the annals of the Right Result. With the game delicately poised at 1-1 in the second-half, the 25 year-old from Nuneaton denied Middlesbrough a penalty when Portsmouth debutant Nadir Belhadj clearly impended Boro’s Stewart Downing inside the box.

The Right Result is a 2-2 draw.